I could absolutely go bananas, the magic of somatic wisdom, and what comes after saying no.
- lara4555
- 26. Aug. 2024
- 5 Min. Lesezeit

Most of us underwent an uttermost crazy training of not having any choice for mostly something in-between 9 and 12 years called school.
With very few exceptions, thanks to highly engaged and visionary humans—yes, but most schools that I have been to barely uphold the most minimal requirements for childcare.
In my own professional life, working with kids in schools, there have been days where the goal of my day was simply that nobody would get majorly hurt—not the kids, not me.
And when I say major, I mean the more subtle and secret forms of harmful behavior between the children not counted.
However, we undergo these years of being told what to do, how to do it, and being regularly and harshly rated for our performances in all these things which we have never chosen to do.
Some of us might develop some intrinsic motivation through interest in a topic. Most of us learn that being a "good girl" or a "good boy" gives us at least some experience of achievement.
What we are not encouraged to do is feel our boundaries, feel our magnetism towards certain things—one could even say exploring our erotic—the zone where we engage in the pleasurable and playful, here in a non-sexual but highly energetic sense.
There is a tight link between trauma and boundaries.There is a tight link between boundaries and pleasure.
Trauma, which can be understood as high stress so high that our motherboard can not progress the data anymore than that high stress gets stored as biochemical fragments in our bodies and reprograms our standard settings form being present to being absent as a just in case protection.
Especially when we deal with complex trauma, for example growing up in an unsafe household, the safer programming simple became absence. Not being embodied than meant more protection for us. And that is in itself a highly wise reaction our body took for us at that time, it’s just not the wise decision anymore in the present.
Understanding this connection is crucial as it allows us to rebuild our boundaries and regain control over our lives and really honor the service our autonomous reactions have provided us, until now, when its time to tap back into life-force again and say farewell to the functioning.
When one learns to feel the signals of the body, ...
when one learns to unlearn the habits of freeze, one will start to familiarize themselves with a whole new world—which is the embodied world. It’s the most powerful copy + x command experienceable within the human conditioning and a good first step towards your journey to full freedom.
It’s like learning any new language—there are new possibilities of expression and understanding entering your awareness, and it comes with something juicier than intellectual understanding; it comes with feelings.
Feelings here is the pure form of feeling free of any evaluation in any cultural, philosophical or religious system. It’s mere feeling, mere allowance no suppression needed.
So the challenging part is the groundwork. Let me compare it again with an intellectual notion. I’m sorry, that’s the scolar in me coming through, connecting this with the visceral impressions I made way back then in Uni.
Did you ever have the experience of reading a really hard text?
One where you know that you find it theoretically interesting, that you should practically be able to understand what it says because it’s within your field of study, but nevertheless you don’t understand much—there are these fragmented ideas and a few terms you have heard but don’t actually know what they mean.
And maybe you have also at some point had the experience of coming back to that text after a few months or a year of study. And you look at the text again, and suddenly it paints a picture of understanding, and pieces of information and ideas fall into place, and you are much clearer on what this text is trying to say—while still having the option to agree or to disagree.
It’s a bit like that.
At the beginning, we need to lay the ground and strengthen our systems. When we prepare our systems for the marathon of becoming a fully feeling human being (again), we do need good nutrition.
And this nutrition is really focusing on our resources—focusing on well-being however subtle or small it manifests in our lives. And that does not mean pretending that anything painful or difficult is not there—it just means creating little islands of breaks by pausing and focusing on nourishment.
And when we have that nourishment, when we can ground in some sense of contact, then we can start our dive into the body. We can explore the sensations our days are built upon more and more, and engage with anxieties, fears, or doubts. Feelings of unlove, blocked love.
What follows is a clearing of our inner voice. What arises is that sense of presence, a modest but stable sense of direction, of knowing if you’re in or out, or if you’re not clear.
Yes - No - Hesitation - That's out Toolbox
What we do is creating a double safety net by including the supposedly impossible third option, the breaking of the polarity - the maybe. We do not only know the yes and no, but we also learn the shapes and sensations of the maybe. And the formations of leaning towards. We can say yes, no, and pause. Maybe tomorrow.Maybe next year. Maybe not here. Maybe not with you.
When we start to know the somatic markers of yeses, nos, and maybes, we have awakened our somatic wisdom.
That means we learn to recognize the subtle physical sensations—like a tightening in the chest, or a sudden numbness - a non feeling for a 'no' or a sense of ease or a pull, a little heap of excitement for a 'yes'—we begin to tap into what I call 'somatic wisdom.'
This wisdom is the body’s way of communicating with us, offering guidance beyond intellectual thought.
Our Intellectual thought is often in solitary confinement for such a long time already and basically not able to contact anything beyond our eye level.
By listening to these signals, we can make decisions that are more aligned with our true selves, rather than just following societal expectations.
And we gain a superpower that protects us and others.
When we become able to communicate a "no," we practice compassion towards ourselves.
And additionally, we stop this never-ending chain of entangled strands of anti-agency that we produce in interaction with other human beings. The pushing and pulling that follows the mutual overstepping or the longing for connection is permitted to change.
We pause the acting out of our common imprints of society, by following the static rules of should-wants and should-desires, and the urge of belonging through being "normal." We experience that breaking out can be so subtle as this very silent maybe polite, maybe loud, maybe odd "no."
And within the joy of the little and small nos, the reviving of our-body vs the social-body, there lives the pleasure of saying yes.
And this yes is full and warm and inviting and deep and cares deeply for you and for the invited.
It’s just such a mere deep unagitated pleasure.
It’s pleasure the world needs.
It’s pleasure that lives in your body being.
No anything else.
No trip to no shop.
No trip.
No whatsoever altering.
No other than.
It’s the highest form of intelligence, it’s tapping into interconnectedness.
It’s the craziest life hack one can ever learn.
It’s the prototype woman/goddess* of sanity, bewilderment, and wonderment.
Its what I love to bring into the world. If you are curios, feel free to reach out,
And if you don't reach out, be curious!
(*a goddess in this case is a non stereotyped, multiformed human being embodieng the wisdom of the vagina paired with the deep roots of embodied wisdom, may look terrifying or sexy or terrifyingly sexy, might have claws, or beard, might laugh during climax.)
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